Identity

 

Identity

            One of the essential building blocks of our acts and thoughts is who or what we identify as. While this identity is formed by our experiences and upbringing, it is largely dependent on how we talk and feel about ourselves. When talking to different people, you tend to find that people with positive self-talk and an overall positive attitude typically have a positive self-image. This positive self-image may manifest itself as self-love or the ability to hold oneself to a higher standard and achieve that standard. To elaborate on this, let’s say there are two people. John is happy, grateful, and willing to learn. Overall, John is stable but has low points just like anyone does. On the other hand, Mark is angry at the world, jealous of others, and extremely set in his ways. For the sake of example, we will say Mark has slight, but not clinically diagnosed, depression in addition to the traits prior. John will undoubtedly have an easier time doing the things he believes holds himself to a higher standard. While it is possible for Mark to achieve these levels, the mental health issue (slight depression) and overall demeanor will work against his self-improvement progress.

Not quite but it fits the idea

Shifting Identity

            To continue our story, one day Mark is just tired of feeling down and not progressing in life. Currently, Mark does not have great relationships and lives a life of extreme selfishness. Mark decides he wants to improve but does not how to start. A couple months go by and Mark keeps falling back into rough days of terrible mental health and relapses of vices he was trying to quit (video games, drinking, smoking, fapping). He begins to feel as if there is no way to get better because in his eyes he is “someone who is trying to stop smoking (replace this with any vice)”. After being tired of all his problems and attempts to get better, Mark has a grandiose gesture of throwing away his smoking “supplies”, blocking all adult websites, and unplugging his gaming system. To Mark, this grandiose gesture solidified the identity of a person who does not do those things in his psyche. A couple weeks go by and Mark does not relapse into his old habits. While the temptation to return to his vices comes and goes, during his tempting moments Mark just reminds himself he is a person who does not do that.

            Why is this? Surely, Mark cannot keep up this good progress. Eventually, he will fall back into his old habits simply because he must feel incomplete without short term pleasures, right? While Mark did not become an ascetic monk, he gained the ability to fight off his bad habits simply because they are against his new “identity”. Mark does not feel like he is playing the role of someone else but instead he feels as if he is living more in tune with what he wanted all along. Throughout this journey, Mark has bad days but he did not let himself fall victim to short term pleasures. Mark still finds living it up, occasionally, to be fun but he found a new enjoyment in feeling and seeing tangible improvement in his character. With his identity shift, Marks relationships improved and he is living self-focused life instead of a selfish life. Self-focused, to Mark, means he knows to protect his energy, watch what he consumes, and who he hangs around. Mark’s sadness has, for the most part, subsided with is new found outlook. Before Mark was upset he had to eat chicken for dinner, but now he is excited he gets to eat at all.

To really bring this post into left field, Kafka 

The Takeaways

            Self-talk and thought forms who we are regardless of it we believe it does not impact our character. The transition, in thought, of “I’m stopping this vice” to “I don’t partake in this vice” seems to be minor but it impacts us in a major way. For example, you can tell yourself “I really want to keep my house cleaner and more organized.” If the initial thought never goes beyond this, you can be left in a state of minor progress but a lot of failure. Eventually, this failure will make you say “Keeping the house clean is impossible” and you will give up. If you are to develop this idea into part of your identity to become the person who says “I am a clean person with a clean house”, it proves to be much easier to progress and keep this trait. While this is not all there is to habit formation, this approach as worked for many, including myself. Some of the ideas in here also stem from a dopamine detox.